Sunday, November 08, 2009
another week gone by with a blink of an eye... still the same as usual... but had a great fun during fri with my colleagues... viv brought friends, so was rather noisy there... hahax... and went home ard 4 plus the next day... =D
a quiet weekend... caught alot of slp cuz bro was home alot this week, so nth to do at home, cnt use com... have... to... find... something... to... do...
-boredom-
lazy to blog so much...
me and my love... aint she adorable?? =D my wifey leh!!
Thursday, October 29, 2009
why do i have to believe time and times again... but it seems like it will never come true? why muz i hold on to every strand of hope but still get left in despair? live is never fair isnt it? when warm tears trickle down my face, no one is there to console my broken heart? im left alone.... hurted and desprate... i kept on crying, for no reasons... maybe im disappointed... y muz i always cry when the idiot dun even care? its so unfair... im hungry, tattered and torn... i dun wan to be myself anymore...
Monday, October 26, 2009
it has been a long time since i blogged... didnt reali have the mood to... yup, but i had a bad day though... monday blues... and plus, freakingly kapo me when ard the internet looking at ppl's photos and i happened to drop by his... seeing him being hapi, it made me so sour till i cried... nah, just missing him thats all, i thought to myself... ppl did started to tell me that i had become so flirt since i broke up... the answer i tell them is that 'im single wat, so i have to keep my options open rite?!' IM LYING... and yea, im aware of that, just that i feel that there's a need to fill up my broken heart with false love and attentions... i hate myself... so, frankly speaking, i tried to blame the one who is responsible for it... HIM... and of cuz ME, for allowing it to happen... all this single thingy is still new to me... so i have to adapt to it, in a right way of cuz... i still cnt forget, i still cnt stop tinking abt it everytime im alone, even when im with friends... he reali dun wan me anymore, i asked, n he didnt bother to answer... MIA reali isnt a thing i like... maybe he reali doesnt have the 'balls' to commit... PARDON ME FOR MY RUDE LANGUAGE... so... f**ker, THANKS FOR HAVING FUN WITHOUT ME... i loved my new toy, my new esprite sunglasses... costed me a bomb, but if retail therapy works, im so gonna spend all my money... AS IF... who ruined me, he did.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
freaking bad day~~ evil saturday....started the day waking up very early to meet krystan and viv laopo at outram... 815, heading towards sentosa for photoshoot... changed and make up and started the snapping... little did i noe, this is the last time i will be posing with my sunglasses... yes. i lost it. period. ARGH... my fav sunglasses!!
got myself all sandy... ppl staring at me... burnt my feet on hot rocks... came home... bath and quick bite... rush to second photoshoot with pumpkin... HALT... no second photoshoot...
reached mrt station, called pumpkin 5 times and waited for half an hour... no answer... board train go home... yups... i got flew kite... pumpkin called saying he's at the park, phone on silent... ask me go home... -.-
gratitudes to vivian laopo , becoming my les partner, personal assistant and make up artist... gratitudes to krystan, being so nice to pick us up at outram, running all ard to find my sunglasses and sending me back home... gratitudes to vincent, who poured cold water when i got flew kite by our fellow photog...
sure's a bad day... with no plans for the rest of the evening... perhaps i shuld just visit the boys' chalet huh?? but i noe no one there... except veggie and issac...
3 different sets of clothes... had fun... but...
Sunday, October 11, 2009
another hectic week, working hard enuff to numb me frm digging out my sorrows... finally, a half day on friday, normally i will be freaking hapi as i go home earlier to rest and bath, waiting for time to pass when i prepare myself prim and proper to go for a date... but this time round, i panicked... i reali dunno what i wuld do... lost of direction to go... i have never faced myself truthfully yet, just drowning myself with alcohol, so that i will have an excuse when i got emotional, when everything just burst out and face myself right in the face and let all the sorrows out, call me dumb call me stupid, i noe im spoiling my body, when i noe im nt that healthy to start with... i hate it, i hate the life im leading now... work, home, drink, hangover, work, home, drink, hangover... someone save me pls... trying hard to struggle off the situation im in nw, but everything ard me is making me to continue the life im living now... every moment, every sec and minute... there are none when im truly hapi, even my smiles i portrayed in my photos looked weird... i haven cried heartedly since the breakup, just drops of tears whenever i saw things that reminds me of him... cuz i told myself not to cry, and it made me suffered so much... i wan to escape, i wan to break away... someone wake me up frm this misery...loneliness doesnt occur when you're alone,loneliness occurs when you're missing someone...sometimes when i say 'oh im fine' i wan ppl to look me in the eyes and say tell the truthisnt it ironic when you say you still love me but dun wan me anymore?or you have never loved me in the first place?Kewtie,Its aLittleLate toMissEverything abt me... 
Sunday, October 04, 2009
another week passed with lightning speed... mced for 2 days at the start of the week... another episode of flu... but im recovering... even though nt fully... i still can function... im tired...
thought that ytd will be a good day when i spend it with my colleagues and friends, but who noes, the day still ended with me freaking out and SOSed most of my so-called friends... but they just dun pick up even though i noe they're nt slping.. called gan kors for help, and they didnt let me dwn... weiliang kor picked up the phone, but he was stuck at home... -shrugs- lionel kor still as ah beng as he is, got pissed that i was bullied by ppl, but still escorted me to take a cab home... he say its time for me to learn how to protect myself...
called weiliang kor while in the cab, he was nice enuff to hang up the long distance call with his gf and talked to me... felt so guilty... but im happi for him to have such a loving gf... he has my total support for it... it was a serious talk, that lasted for at least an hr, talking abt relationships in general... its great to have someone to talk to, get advices and den registering into the mind...
i need to get out of my past... haven been moving on... haven been true to myself... thinking why is it taking so long when i have a lifetime to wait, or maybe 6 yrs?
felt so pathetic when i noe i dun have much true friends... but still, there are some, just that i missed out... i wan to find them back, cuz thats the only way they can help me through the period im in nw...
im so confused... i dun wish to speak... just wan to keep quiet for awhile and let my ears do all the hearing...
yes, im sorry...
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
talked to marco this morning... ytd i msged him n called, but i guess he's alsp... i thought he still wanted me back, but i was wrong... he dun... just becuz i dated a guy... an attached guy, who is switly attached to his pretty gf and have no intention of breaking up...
throughout these years, i thought our trust has grown, but trust is easily broken too, by misunderstandings... even a 5 years relationship will break, mummi said... he didnt believe me when i say i culdnt let go... all those dreams that ive dreamt that we're still together, waking up to face the truth that we arent...
he doesnt wan me anymore... the truth hitted me hard till i cried infront of my patients, doctors and incharge, who was all shocked by my sudden reaction... i blabbered like an idiot the whole aftn... ppl say im still young, i culd find better, but i truthfully think i culdnt... if i culd, y cnt i let go?
put up a strong front, continued to sink myself in work to stop me frm sulking... even looking at quek quek doesnt help anymore... had a bad day... and stayed home, like i did for days alr... i guess its still post-breakup syndrome for me...
and i freakingly begged him... silly me when i noe its impossible to change his decision, shame to the female clan...
only time will tell... only time will wash away my pain...
marco chua, i didnt write this post for u to see... i blogs as i like n how i feel... if u damn freaking dun believe me at all, its ur choice... i just wan to show my readers whats happening to me and how much pain im in nw, losing the one that you loved so much, and when they say they dun wan u anymore... its freaking PAINFUL...
now do i realise physical pain is so easy to take compared to the pain a broken heart can do...
