Monday, March 29, 2010
Little add-ons to my previous post, just right after i blogged, its pouring rain. Imagine in the dark room, playing by2's Dont go away, raining heavily outside. Its getting depressing. I hope my bf is bz with his work and not because he's trying to ignore me. PARANOID JOANNE PARANOID!! Of cuz he's bz... Gawr. -sulks- =D nvm~ i think im going to end up with bi-polar.
Rest Today, Chiong Tomorrow. My battle strategy for today, hahax, cuz definitely, tmr will be a big war. Prof's clinic has never been easy to run. Yeah, im stuck at home with a mc, hot weather and lots of spare times. Whenever i have lots of spare time, i usually will spend them thinking about... random stuffs i guess, and when i did, i cant help but feel abit emo. Something that im thinking about is how do you know if you're doing enough for a relationship? Some might say, 'simple, just give your best, and you will have no regrets.' Im here to query them, 'So if you have given your best, how do you know if the other party is appreciative or is giving his/her best too?' The biggest challenge for me in a relationship is not whether you and your gf/bf has similar interests or not, it is to cope with me, having insecurity when problems arise and having to talk myself out of it. Having the urge to query myself 'if i dont ___ will he ___? , if i ___ does he ___?, what happen if ___?' . Being so afraid of differences in each other life and how we handle things bring a sense of insecurity. I know its normal for 2 human being to have differences, cause that is where compromising comes along isnt it? But what if, thats the habit of that person? Will you try to change him/her? As people has said, the more you love the person, your expectations of him/her rises too. So what happens if the person cant fulfill your expectations? There's too much 'what ifs', 'what happens' and 'what am i going to do' in my head right now, maybe im just being too much of a thinker, or maybe im just preparing myself for all those unexpected problems? I cant decide. I guess i must blame my low self-esteem for these, im just too afraid to lose JR. Whenever i picture the worst thing that may happen, it just bring tears to my eyes. It might not happen i know, telling myself to be optimistic.The only thing that stays the same is change. The more you want something to stay the same, the more things will change. What is love? It may be a chapter in a guy's life, but its the whole book to a girl. People, never break the heart that truly loves you. He's/she's not perfect, you arent either, but if he/she can make you laugh at least once, cause you to think it twice. Admit to being human, we make mistakes. So, hold on to him/her and give the most you can. Its not going to be easy, but at least you know you have done your best. Im trying not to think so much. I envy people who has a heck-care attitude, cause sometimes, they are the real happy-go-lucky bunch. I may be wise, but i tend to think too much into things. To stop asking myself questions that i cant answer, cause only the particular person has the answer but too afraid to hear the answer that i dread the most. The hated the most when i have to tell myself 'i told you so'. I wish i will never lose you JR, i cant believe i have put in so much feelings into this relationship in such a short time. Is this a good thing? Will it cause u stress? What more can i ask of you, your more than i can ever deserved. Too much more than i can EVER deserved, i dont know what have ive done to even to have the honour to know you, needless to say to have u as my bf. Is this a dream? Cause if it is, i'll rather not wake up. NEVER. Ive never believed in fairytales, but now i do after i get to know you. 
Don't leave me.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
i want to whine!! so let me whine first... and think of something to blog later...
JR is still stuck at nuh... (repeat that sentence for 10 times) argh... WHY? He is tortured there larx... one day i'll become the heroine to save him out. Lol. Supposed to go his house to have dinner today, but he got held up. Held up for so long. Poor boy, its really tough being a doc huh. Well, as her gf, i think i should encourage him. So here goes...
dear, i know you will be bz for the next few weeks, just want to let you know that i will always be by your side, encouraging you, giving you all the care and concern u needed, well, thats what nurses are expert in isnt it? =) hang on there alrite? just 1 more year to go, must jiayou!! i'll do anything to make the journey easier... and through this hard period of time, i believe we cn go through it hand in hand. We have a lifetime to spend with each other, small things like this wouldnt affect us. I love you dear, and no one can stop me from loving you. I really really miss you very very much. DEAR JIAYOU!
I really miss him too much. I can feel myself crumbling down with emo'ness, but i know cant do that, i have to be his support, someone he can count on when tough time falls. I believe i can do it. So much as i wanted to throw a tantrum, telling everyone how nuh tortures ppl (=p), but i know he felt 10 times worser. Dont worry, Im ok!! I promise!
HOLIDAY!
Saturday, March 20, 2010
isn't it weird that im at home blogging on a saturday? my my, have i gone crazy? NO. its a rainy saturday, stayed home for the whole afternoon now, waiting for JR to come over. did some household chores (which i normally dont).. washing of my shoes, clearing of my babies cages, tidying up of my room (which i didnt succeed)... and last but not least, i blogged.as i was surfing through the blogs of my loves, i realise life isnt easy, each writing a different life story, facing different difficulty, i must say, im pretty lucky... Life has been well and about for me recently. I cant imagine having to go through those phases of life they are going through now. Unbearable consequences of mistakes, dearie jael having to give up her boy. If i was her, i would just elope with him. Haha, kidding. But yeah, its really a torture to part with someone you dearly loved. Working life as a young girl, i really have to salute to sweet shasha, she has really been through alot in life. Let me see, what was i doing when im 17 or 18? Im still studying, so protected by my parents, never have to go out to the world n work. Lucky me. Who am i to deserve such lucky life that im in now? Or maybe... its just the clear sky before the thunderstorm. I sure hope not!! -touch wood, touch wood, hug the tree-just some random ranting, im not refering to anyone or anything.here's something for girls to think about..materialistic young girls have always wish that her bf would drive a car, but halt! not all guys who owns a driving license drives,not all guys who drives owns a car,not all guys who owns a car is willing to drive you around,not all guys who is willing to drive you around are nice guys,not all guys who are nice will be a good bf,not all guys who are good bf suits you.so girls, remember these sentences when your trying to be materialistic. =) smiles everyone... PEACE OUT! -break into laughters-
What happens when Athena falls in love with Apollo? With one so witty, another a total romantic.
I wan go holiday! =D
Friday, March 19, 2010
I HATE FEELING SICK.or lets say, congrats me for being able to last through the week... but still, here comes the fatigue i hate the most after being stressed for 5 days, like the post-exam sickness... when u fell sick right after your last paper... but y i hate feeling sick? let me describe to you why...i went dinner with JR, but right before that, the whole aftn im having a hard time concentrating at work becuz of my massive gastric pain which has weirdly affected my back too... no, my doctor didnt do anything after knowing im unwell, no, my colleague didnt do anything.. or at least, she helped me... no, my incharge didnt suspect anything even though my face is twisted with pain and i asked for antacids... NO. thats nt the worst... or at least something helped alittle to ease the pain. JR n yiruma's music... while i board the train, i found and seat in a small corner n rested my head against the wall... listening to yiruma's music helped me to relax alittle, but still the pain is there... didnt dare to tell JR cuz i dun wan him to wori too much, or to miss his meeting with his friends. im sori but i still have to say its unbearable, i closed my eyes cuz i realise my eyes are constantly wet... everywhere of me is aching, my head is bursting, i feel so breathless. i felt dizzy ever since aftn, but at least i maintained my steady gait. while i was walking home frm the mrt station. i felt like my soul and my body is tearing apart. i feel like im floating even though i noe im dragging my feet when i walked. my soul wants to run home but my body just felt like falling apart... its scary... my mum thinks im rude cuz i didnt reply her question, im too tired to...i need rest... but i miss him... tell me what to do... wonder y i feel insignificant.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
small rant of the day..
im bored... hahax, even though i reali have lots of thing under my bummies to do, im just too lazy to... chuckle... i feel weird without him ard me todae... -smile sweetly-
i HAVE to tidy up my room... i HAVE to... its getting messier n messier, books and notes everywhere, but i just cnt get my butt up frm the com chair to do it... im tired... hahax... physical tired... im aching all over.. totally drained by war at work todae... lol...
i HAVE to feed my babies... ok, this is clear enough to understand that its a neccessity...
i HAVE to start noting down things in my love diary before i forgets anything... im forgetful, so i have to do it...
miss him miss him miss him to NANO bits...
Sunday, March 14, 2010
small rant of the daysuddenly felt an urge to blog this sunday aftn... weather isnt that good... it was, when i was practicing piano, but once i stopped, the sky turned gray without me noticing, now its preparing itself for a heavy downpour, with my emotions included in it... i noticed how depressing my musics are, but i guess that's wat im always conveying to people who knows the real me... its a stay home sunday and i realised how much have i not done in this hus, inclusive of tidying my room, practicing piano, surf the net, read my book, clear the cages of my babies... but just some part of me just want to hide in a corner and daydream... while i was screening through my piano scores, i realised i knew how to play some pieces, which apparently, i forgot... and yea, some muscle memories here and there, but wasn't able to recall how to play them... i was concentrating on doing my things when something struck me. I FEEL A NEED TO PRACTICE ON A REAL PIANO, not just merely my small tiny keyboard... so, who has a 2nd hand piano for sale, pls do contact me... cause i believe i really need it. *shocks* with so much things stucked in my head, i really dont know what else can i say... splendid/relaxing/emotional/boring/gloomy/peaceful day... i know im contradicting, who isnt?? but one thing i know for sure, im missing him...
Saturday, March 13, 2010
CHALET @ JR hus... have to thank yl, joey, fiona, mark and john for coming... it went well, quite well... reali hoped they had fun n nt bored... i was the first one to dunk myself into the bed with someone staring at me while i slp, more or less... hahax... slpt reali well, i hope i didnt crush dear and made him suffocate.. both of us was dead beat so i wasnt reali aware of anything that happened the instant i sense the comfy bed... lol... and played alot of guitar heroes (standing on the rooftop standing at the rooftop~ ahh haaa~) yups... it was reali fun... =D chalet has nv been so fun... thanks to you, i had the most memorable and awesome sleepover ever... food for thoughts-SIMPLICITY IS GOOD. =D needless to say, life would be easier, happier... 
disclaimer: the following will cause u severe goosebumps and DM... a note for someone special with mushy lines.Life is happier and more meaningful when ur around, with miracles working and massive sparks between both of us, its so hard to tear us apart, i will do my very best and with everything ive got, i promise to love you... (even though i have love u long ago... very much) you are the one im looking for... The one i want to spend my life with... ^^ No one can stop me from loving you. No words can explain how much i love you. With all my heart, i give u my all.
Saturday, March 06, 2010
Heys peeps, haven been blogging for a long time, guess its time for me to do the usual maintance for my blog to keep it going... for those who are concern about what i have been doing recently, ive haven been doing much except for work and dating... quite bz recently, n haven touched the computer for ages as my bro was having his tests and sorts, dun reali wan to disturb him... KOR JIAYOU JIAYOU!! finally, my first piano lesson tmr... abit jittery... because... erm... nevermind that... but im really excited and looking forward to it, after all these YEARS, someone actually wants to teach me piano!! =D for those who wants some food for thoughts this week to think about.. i have one, which im also pondering about. chatted with joey todae, its her birthday!! hapi birthday dearest fling... =D but as we sat down n started to have a causal chat, something struck my mind n we talked about FAILED RELATIONSHIPS. i mean...In every relationship, there's honeymoon period, how long it lasts depends on how you felt for the other party, there's no such thing as a smooth relationship, highs and lows in emotion sending you into a tiring emotion rollarcoaster, fights and arguements that helps you understand the other party more, sweet moments that both of you will share. How prepared are you to face problems between both of you? How sure are you that he/she is the 'right one'? All these questions all makes you hestitate to love someone. BUT, i begged to differ, so much as i know things may happen, i believe if both of them still loves each other, IT WILL WORK OUT. Maybe not to the extend that everything will just turn back to normal, but an agreement can be made. I will advice my friends to go all out to love someone, even though the ending might not be the one you have expected, because, we're young, this is how we learn. Don't look back and cry because its over, smile because it happened. Another cliche line, i know. But do put some thoughts over it. After you realised this point, YOU WILL BE HAPPIER. Believe that every failed relationship is a learning point that happened FOR A REASON. and that is to prepare you for a better, more blissful relationship. Last but not least, i miss you dear. 
The sand, sun, sea with you and me.
